


Explosive

by Crazy_Coconut



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Lingerie, M/M, dont ask just read it, its funny i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 16:58:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18721213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Coconut/pseuds/Crazy_Coconut
Summary: When the avengers heard that Thor and Loki’s apartment was on fire, they got there pretty fast.





	Explosive

After a while of Thor living in the Stark Tower, he decided he needed his own space. So he and Loki found a nice little flat, close to the tower, but far enough that they weren’t constantly running into the avengers outside of work. No one had found the right word for Thor and Loki’s relationship; adoptive brothers turned lovers just sounded wrong, and if asked, Loki would snap “it’s none of your business,” followed by something particularly nasty in Asgardian that would make Thor frown. Thor would usually say something sappy.

“He is my eternal love. My god. There aren’t words to describe what I feel for Loki-” Loki usually hit him by that point.

When the avengers heard that Thor and Loki’s apartment was on _fire,_ they got there pretty fast. Worried that Loki has turned against Thor (the fire was green, after all)they pushed past the firefighters to get to the...couple. What they didn’t expect to see was Thor laughing. At Loki. Who had his head in his hands. His ears were bright red, as were his cheeks. His hair was a tangled mess; piled in a bun on top of his head. He was wearing what looked like a hospital gown, and Thor was wearing boxers. Just boxers. Tony looked around confusedly.

“What happened?” Thor chuckled.

“Loki is a very passionate lover.”

A muffled “Shut _up,”_ came from behind Loki’s hands. Thor giggled some more.

“Really, if I knew that this is what it took, I would have done this long ago, brother,” Tony saw Steve wince out of the corner of his eye. It still bothered him when they called each other brother. Tony smirked.

“Are you saying that Loki…?” Thor grinned.

“I do like to bask in the afterglow, but, well.” Thor let his sentence hang. Loki huffed.

“Technically, _brother,”_ he said, voice dripping with venom, “this is _your_ fault. After all, I could never have lost control like that on my own.” He was giving Thor a sideways look that looked like a challenge for round two. Right here. Right now. Thor gulped. Tony grinned.

“Save it for your next apartment. We don’t want to blow any ambulances up.”

“Actually,” Thor finally broke eye contact with Loki, “may we stay in your tower until we find a new place?” Tony froze. He quite liked his tower. He would like to keep it fire-free. And if Loki kept batting his eyelashes like that, he might not be able to.

“Sure,” He croaked. Always help a friend in need, right?

“Thank you. Loki will be more careful. Right Loki?” Loki hummed and stood up, kissing Thor’s cheek and making his way over to Tony’s car.

“Sure.” He tossed over his shoulder. He snapped his fingers and the hospital gown fell off, revealing lacy green panties, garters, and thigh highs. Another snap and Thor’s red cape covered him, draping over his arms, but revealing his shoulders. Thor glanced at Tony and then back at Loki, who was now climbing into the car. He grimaced. And then ran after Loki. Tony had the wherewithal to yell,

“Don’t do it in my car!” Before Happy drove them off. He looked around. Steve was blushing furiously, Bruce looked like he was going to be sick, Natasha was...indifferent. She wrapped a comforting arm around Barton, who was shaking violently. Peter looked traumatized. Why was Peter here?!

“Loki,” Peter choked out, “Loki, was, he was, he- Loki was wearing lingerie!” With that declaration he dissolved into a fit of giggles on the ground. Oh god.

🌸

Update: Loki and Thor still haven’t left the tower. Now let it be said that Tony loves his friends. Because he does. Very much. He just doesn’t like seeing them make out in his living room. And although he can handle it (He’s seen a lot of different people make out in his living room) Tony’s a little worried about his son-PETER. Peter. Who is not his son? Because Tony is not a father. Nope. Not at all. He’s too young to be a father. But if Peter sees Thor rolling around with Loki one more time, he won’t be able to quote a meem (memé? Meam? Tony isn’t sure) and laugh it off. His little spider brain is going to explode. The poor thing will need five therapists and possibly Prozac. Which of course Tony will happily provide. Because he’s a good fathe-mentor! He’s a good mentor. Anyway. Time to work on his cars. It’s not a very well known fact (mainly because BuzzFeed hasn’t found out yet) but Tony Stark is a freaking car enthusiast. Sure, everyone is aware that he owns a lot of cars, and that he works on them from time to time, but no one, barring Rhodey, is aware of the enormous amount of love he holds for each and every one of them. He wiggles his fingers in anticipation, looking over his wide selection. Who is he going to upgrade today? There’s a bright yellow mustang looking particularly tempting. He gets into the car and drives it over to the middle of his shop, pulling a few blueprint concepts to try out. He’s just deciding on an idea to try out when an ear-piercing shriek cuts through the air. Tony’s eyes widen. He feels himself move in slow-motion, like one of those action movies that Peter loves to watch. There are papers flying everywhere, and he’s running majestically, hair blowing in the air rushing past.

 

He’s going to save his son.

 

The scream doesn’t stop. It just keeps going. At one point Tony hears Peter stop to take a breath, but just as soon as it stops it starts back up again. It’s terribly high-pitched, and Tony’s afraid that someone’s going to burst an eardrum. _Nevermind that though_ , he thinks as he runs, _Peter’s in trouble_. The elevator can’t move fast enough, and he taps his foot impatiently, his mind racing through the possibilities. What had happened? Tony’s almost positive it has something to do with that rascal, Wade Wilson. Tony scowls at the thought of that creep putting his grubby hands all over his son. What if he had stolen Peter away? Tony shudders at the thought, hands clenched in rage. How dare he!? He’s going to murder that psychopath once and for all. The elevator finally stops and Tony runs out. The scream had come from (and is still coming from) the main floor. Tony’s preparing to charge up his blasters, getting ready to murder Deadpool on sight, and he whips his head back and forth looking for his tell-tale red suit. He doesn’t see it. What he does see, however, is a cowering Loki trying to cover his junk and Thor buttoning his pants, trying to shush Peter. Tony is livid.

“HOW DARE YOU!?” Thor’s eyes widen. Loki flat out runs, making a break for the kitchen. Tony doesn’t stop him. He has much more important things to think about than Loki trying to find his pants. Peter’s still screaming. The shrill noise combined with Tony’s shouting and Thor’s goddamn excuses, plus the sound of Tony’s blasters make quite the cacophony of sounds.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN CORRUPT MY SON WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES?” Tony tries to hit Thor with a blast, which the god dodges just in time, still trying to zip up his pants. “THINK AGAIN, GOD OF THUNDER!” Three quick hits in succession, which Tony’s coffee table takes instead of Thor. Peter’s eyes are all wide and terrified, the poor boy. Tony’s pretty sure he’s shaking. Tony’s getting ready to charge again, and Thor has given up with his zipper, so his fly is still down and flopping about as he tries to anticipate where Tony’s going to blast next. Peter’s stopped screaming, so now it’s just the sound of Tony throwing insults and blasting things. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows it’s not a good idea to actually _hit_ Thor, but he shoves the thought deeper into the abyss of his very large and very complicated brain. It’s obviously not important right now. Can’t that stupid idea see that he’s in the middle of trying to kill one of his very good friends? God. The fight (Read: Tony being angry and Thor running away) goes on for a while. Until Captain America comes running in, fresh back from a jog and dripping with sweat. Huh. That’s nice. Tony’s distracted long enough for Steve to wrestle him into submission, away from Thor, who bows at Steve awkwardly, before doing a weird little hop run, finally getting his pants buttoned and making a break for the elevator. God knows where Loki went. _Probably on Thor’s bed, getting ready for round two,_ Tony seethes. _Dirty gods corrupting my sweet little angel._ Steve rolls his eyes. Tony realizes he said that out loud. Oops. Peter’s looking up at Tony with wide eyes, shimmering with tears.

“Oh, thank you, Mister Stark!” He cries into Tony’s shirt, flinging his arms tight around him, “You’re the best dad ever!” Steve lets Tony go, and Tony wraps his kid up in a bear hug, lifting his feet off the ground.

“And you’re my favorite son.” Peter giggles.

“Don’t be silly, dad,” He says, burying his face into Tony’s shoulder. The punchline is a bit muffled, but there none the less:

“I’m your only son.”


End file.
